Compounded Grief Issues

I've been told that in addition to depression, anxiety and mild PTSD I have compounded grief issues over the loss of friends and family.
I've always been very sensitive. Now I'm just lost in a swirling vortex of grief where I can't separate one loss from another. A man I loved dearly was killed last April and I had been under extreme stress before his death. Since his death I seem to dwell on his death and the deaths of other close, dearly beloved, friends and family.
My special mentor, Oz (short for his last name) who passed away of Parkinson's and who I never got to say goodbye to.
My two friends who were sharing a house when one's ex husband came in and shot both women to death, then failed to kill himself. I wasn't here for their funerals. We didn't have many friends in common so I don't have anyone to remember them with me, to share that I still miss them. At that point in my life they were my strength, my only strength, helping me get out of an abusive relationship, always there no matter what and then so brutally ripped away.
My matron of honor's best friend, who was still in college. I knew we were going to be friends when she moved back home. We had a kind of connection, then she was home for the summer and was hit by a drunk driver while riding her bike home and died two days later.
A friend and I left her Memorial Service to rush to my friend Diana's side at the hospital. She was dying of stage 4 cervical cancer at the age of 27. She died that afternoon. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath.
I can go on, and on, and on... I have nightmares, cry constantly, I RAGE and pace and swear. I try to write, to draw, to immerse myself in my kids, my husband. I want to go out and walk until I fall over just so that I'll sleep. But that won't work either because if I overdo physical stuff my medical issues flare up badly and I have to take care of my kids.
My husband told me I need a solid week of catharsis. I told him I doubt I'd survive a whole week of catharsis. I was insensitive to someone today because their "grief" was about someone who wasn't dead. I don't know what I am anymore.
I feel like the mountain is just too high and there are no paths, so how can I even begin to climb? People tell me to take care of myself. All I can manage is to sit and cry alone instead of in front of my kids. People tell me to get out, make new friends. I find myself thinking, "Why, so I can lose them too?" Why would anyone want to be friends with me right now, I'm an absolute MESS. Like I said, swirling, dizzy, exhausted, lost and confused. I guess I need to ..

Source: http://grief.supportgroups.com/sg/grief/compounded-grief-issues

mega upload santorum wins iowa archer ibooks 2 ifl indoor football league newt gingrich wife